Back in sixth grade, we were all required to do a report on a country. We were in groups of three or four, and we had to draw from a hat which country we were going to have to write about. I was hoping for Sweden. Instead I got Portugal.
I’ve always wished I could go back and redraw another country from the hat in hopes that I get Sweden. And then I realized that I can go back in time! I’ll just jump into my imaginary TARDIS and go back 20 twenty years and make my report way better.
So let’s pretend I’m in sixth grade again, and I just pulled out my country: SWEDEN! Here’s my report in full:
Sweden is awesome. It’s part of Scandinavia, which has lots of snow and trees and blond people. It’s been rumored that Santa lives there, though the Finnish like to think that he lives in their country. It gets really cold there in the winter, and during summer in the northern parts the sun doesn’t even set. It’s called midnight sun, and it sounds totally cool. Like, you could ride your bike at midnight because the sun is still out.
Swedish people are obsessed with these red horses called the Dalecarlian Horse. People used to make them for children out of firewood when there were no iPads to play with. It looks like this:
There’s no app for this.
Christmas is a huge deal in Sweden. The celebration begins on December 13 on St. Luica’s Day, where the youngest daughter from each family wears a bunch of lit candles around her head and, without totally burning all of her hair off, she wakes her parents and serves them coffee and Lucia buns.
Like Kirsten on the cover of this American Girl book.
Swedish people like to put up their tree two days before Christmas. They usually decorate them with candles, apples, Swedish flags, scary gnomes wearing red hats, and straw ornaments. They also like to fill the house with red tulips though, according to my mom, no one can get tulips in December. So I don’t know where those Swedish people are getting them.
Then after eating a really gross Christmas Eve dinner consisting of Christmas ham, pickled pigs feet, lutfisk, and dried codfish, someone dresses up like the tomte, which is another totally scary gnome that lives under the floorboards of your house, and passes out presents.
Actual picture of a tomte.
Name Days are also a big deal in Sweden, as well as other Scandinavian and European countries. Each name has its own day of celebration, for example, today is Helga / Olga Day. To all the Helgas and Olgas out there, happy Name Day! Is it just me, or do Name Days sound way cooler than birthdays?
Swedish people have really cool furniture that they all get from Ikea. Ikea was founded in 1943, and has continued to supply millions of people with furniture that you have to put together yourself. I can’t pronounce any of the items they sell at Ikea, but their showrooms are really cool and I like to pretend that I live in Sweden when I walk through them.
Trivia: Do you know what IKEA stands for?
Ingvar Kamprad from Elmtaryd, Agunnaryd
Sweden looks like a really pretty place to visit, judging by the pictures I find on Google. Whether it’s spring, summer, fall, or winter, it looks way better than where I live.
Because it gets really cold in Sweden, Swedes have to wear lots of cute clothes to keep warm. They like to buy their clothes at H&M, which is headquartered in Sweden. And instead of wearing Uggs, they like to wear boots like these:
You can find more cute Swedish footwear here.
Most Swedish people speak English, and pretty much all of them drink coffee. They all drive Volvos like Edward in Twilight, and they all enjoy the music of ABBA, Ace of Base, and Roxette. Britney Spears, ‘N Sync, and Backstreet Boys all got their start in Sweden.
Marriage isn’t a huge deal in Sweden, and lots of people decide to live sambo, which means you live with someone while still getting the rights of a married couple. No strings attached!
So in conclusion, Sweden sounds like a totally cool place to live, and hopefully one day I’ll be able to go there. Maybe I’ll make my sambo take me there on our “living togethermoon”. We’ll stay at the Ice Hotel. It’s a “cool” place to visit. Bork, bork, bork!
So while I was back in time redoing my country report, I decided to hang around until my teacher graded it. I just got it back like ten seconds ago, and she gave me a C. I didn’t include a bibliography, and my information was “poor” and “inaccurate”. Well, that just goes to show you…
DO NOT MESS WITH THE PAST WHEN YOU TIME TRAVEL.