While lying in bed last night, my mind was racing about what to blog about next. And I got to thinking…what would the Harry Potter books be like if Hermione Granger had been the protagonist rather than Harry? Of course Harry probably has the more interesting story, what with the whole “Chosen One” business, but I know I’m not the only one out there who loves Hermione. I’m sure she’s had some moments we don’t even know about during her years at Hogwarts.
So let’s just pretend that J.K. Rowling has given me the opportunity to write all seven books over with Hermione as the main focus. I wonder what she would think of these:
Hermione Granger and the Two New Friends
It’s Hermione’s first year at Hogwarts, and after eleven years of being a freakish know-it-all witch with weird powers to all her Muggle classmates, she’s finally among her own kind of people. And even those people also think she’s a freakish know-it-all witch, she manages to catch the attention of two boys, Harry and Ron (also rather freakish). Join Hermione, Ron, and Harry as they get in and out of trouble at Hogwarts, and see how Hermione figures out everything about the Sorcerer’s Stone even though Harry Potter gets all the credit in the end.
Hermione Granger and the Restricted Section of the Library
It’s soon discovered during Hermione’s second year at Hogwarts that people are calling her a Mudblood, “a filthy name for someone who’s Muggle-born”, and that there’s some mysterious ancient monster lurking in the chambers of Hogwarts who’s out to kill all Mudbloods. People seem to think that her good friend Harry Potter has something to do with it, but Hermione knows better. After doing loads of research in the restricted section of the library, she discovers that this monster is a basilisk and has been getting into Hogwarts through the bathroom pipes. So once again, Hermione saves the day, even though Harry gets all the credit in the end.
Hermione Granger and the Pile of Homework
Even though it seems that someone is out of kill Hermione’s friend Harry, Hermione has bigger things to worry about, i.e., taking as many classes as she can in one year! In order to do this, Hermione receives a Time Turner from Professor McGonagall so she can go back in time to take more classes during the day. Everything is fine and dandy at first, but soon Hermione starts to feel the stress of all the homework. And with a class as ridiculous as Divination, and her friends only caring about things like Dementors and Boggarts, Hermione feels more alone than ever. Maybe helping Harry go back in time and saving the day will make things better! Even if someone else gets all the credit in the end.
Hermione Granger and the New Makeover
It’s time for the Tri-Wizard Tournament this year at Hogwarts, and even though her friend Harry is competing in it against his will, Hermione is busy attracting the attention of fellow competitor Viktor Krum all the way from competing school Durmstrang. He’s totally not her type, the big, brawny loaf that he is, but since Ron seems too stupid to realize that Hermione is in love with him, she leads Viktor on just to make Ron jealous, and makes things even worse for Ron by getting her teeth and hair fixed and wearing a pretty dress. Will it work? And will Hermione save the day again??? And not get the credit?
Hermione Granger and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Teacher
Hogwarts has a new Defense Against the Dark Arts class this year, and is she a piece of work! In addition to not letting the students do magic in class, Professor Umbridge is punishing Hermione’s friend Harry in ways that are practically inhuman. So once again it’s up to Hermione to form an army against this teacher in the only way she knows how: with the help of her friends. But seriously, if Hermione hadn’t come up with this idea, all the students would have been totally screwed. And Neville Longbottom would have never learned how to conjure up a Patronus. Credit.
Hermione Granger and the Love Triangle
It’s Hermione’s sixth year at Hogwarts, and it seems that her friend Ron still hasn’t gotten the hint that she loves him, especially when he begins going out with that ridiculous dumbbell Lavender Brown. Where is Viktor Krum when you need him? And to make matters worse, it seems her friend Harry has found himself a girl as well in Ron’s sister Ginny. Who else will Hermione turn to when all the good guys are taken? Well, that Cormac McLaggen bloke isn’t too bad…
…and a lot better at Quidditch than that idiot Ron anyway.
Hermione Granger and the Tiny Bag That Saves Everyone’s Life
Hermione and her friends are on the run from Voldemort and his followers, and it seems that Hermione is only one who come prepared. With a tent, clothes, a radio, and many other items magically stuffed into Hermione’s tiny Mary Poppins carpet bag, the threesome are able to hide from the bad guys – at least for while until Harry ruins everything by getting caught. And who ends up saving the day in the end?
Well, to be fair, they all save the day. But they wouldn’t have even come close had it not been for our protagonist.
Because she’s the only one who can get into the Restricted Section.